


Breath In, Hold it, Go On

by 2rus



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, M/M, Spain is the bro u need in ur life, THIS IS SO OLD OH MY GOOOD, belgium cameo even if just by name, dont believe the pairing tag, its like 2 years old help, runaway kirkland someone call the popo, spabel is canon fight me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-30 22:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6445534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2rus/pseuds/2rus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘Breath in, breath out…’</p><p>Although the breathing exercise was familiar to him, almost second nature, it did not help him as memories overpowered him. His hometown, his mother’s face, his brother’s boisterous laughter, azure eyes and bright smiles…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breath In, Hold it, Go On

**Author's Note:**

> If you like pain and you know it clap your hands *clap clap*
> 
> This is so old you guys dont understand it's been in my external for at least 2 years...  
> I suddenly felt the need to finish it and post it *shrugs*
> 
> Sorry for my many grammar mistakes :'D
> 
> \- ru
> 
> PS. Title taken from a song that has nothing to do with the fic yet its nice if you listen to it!  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfTDIphYdlo

It was the middle of summer, the lazy southern wind soothingly blowing across the northern city, bringing relief to the agonizing heat that threatened to melt every skyscraper in the city… Or so, Arthur thought as he sits in the small patio belonging to the small cafe near his work place. A soft beige hat neatly placed at an angle barely managed to cover his eyes as the sun shone brightly down on his skin, slowly burning his skin even through layers of sunscreen, his eyes hidden behind black lenses that tinted his word a couple shades of red. Lazily, he reached for his cold drink, absentmindedly sucking up what was left of it as he gazed at the laptop screen in front of him, sighing once more after putting his drink down and rapidly moving his fingers across the warm keyboard. If there was one thing the blond man hated was having to write proposals, specially the ones that  _ suddenly  _  happen to appear on his desk the morning before their deadline. 

 

‘ _ Work is work, stop whining and keep typing _ ,’ he lightly scolded himself, brows furrowing as he concentrated on sounding more ‘professional and polite’ instead of ‘give me the fucking money to promote my newest author.’.

 

Arthur worked at a small publishing company located in Toronto. After moving from his hometown and country and spending a good couple of months hiding from his very mad father for suddenly leaving and stating that ‘no, he did not want to take over the Kirkland empire,’ he had managed to work his way into a stable job in a country that had no ties whatsoever to his cursed last name. It was ridiculous honestly, how a name could ruin his future, but Arthur wasn’t about to go back and just accept his ‘fate,’ instead he created a name for himself, and with the help of some of his friends and connections, he had managed to establish a somewhat normal life in Canada. 

 

The blond’s typing slowed down as memories began to rush back, sighing once more, he leaned back, face fully exposed to the UV rays and eyes closing as he let his face gradually warm up, cheeks flushing pink as heat begin to accumulate and beads of sweat to form and slowly move down his pale skin. 

 

_ ‘Breath in, breath out…’ _   
  


Although the breathing exercise was familiar to him, almost second nature, it did not help him as memories overpowered him. His hometown, his mother’s face, his brother’s boisterous laughter, azure eyes and bright smiles… The moment the last memory came to the front of his mind, Arthur froze, eyes opening wide and breathing erratically changing as other, almost forgotten emotions begin to made themselves known.  

 

_ ‘Come on, focus on your breathing!’ _ It had been years since that had happen and yet… And yet he was still here, clinging on to forbidden memories of past lives and past people.  
  


 

_ ‘Antonio.... I need to call him… I need to...’ _

 

Taking small deep breathes, Arthur finally let himself relax as he felt things passing over before quickly reaching for his phone and shooting a short warning text to one of his closest and oldest friends. A few minutes later and after his phone vibrated with the reply text, Arthur tapped on the familiar name, a picture of the brown haired man holding a small puppy filled his screen as it began to dial.

 

“Toni speaking,” a serious, yet still somewhat cheerful voice came through not even a couple of rings after, making Arthur relax further as his body familiarized itself with the sound and tone of Antonio’s voice. 

 

Antonio had been Arthur’s childhood friend, his family had moved to his hometown when they were still children and naturally the two kids had become best friends quickly. When he was a kid, Arthur remembered admiring Antonio for being so brave and cheerful and happy, now… he somehow still feels the same, yet he would never admit this in front of him… Well maybe while piss drunk, but this is not the case now. 

 

Arthur focused on creating casual conversation, allowing Antonio to distract him with his life and awful puns, something the other was very happy to do as he loved to talk about his everyday life to his still best friend. After a few years in Canada, Antonio had manage to open the family restaurant he always dreamed of owning, it had been such a hit that by now the Spaniard was the proud owner of a small local restaurant chain serving traditional Spanish food. 

 

At the beginning it had pained Arthur watch his best friend come and go from part time to part time job, after all, it had been the blond’s fault the Spaniard had moved to yet another country, leaving family, friends and even a girlfriend just to make sure Arthur did not end up living under a bridge, specially after the accident. In all honestly, the British had opposed to his friend coming with him, but there was one thing Arthur kept forgetting and it was that out of everyone in the world, Antonio knew him well the most, and so he completely understood when Arthur told him he was running away and also knew what he had to do and why he needed to do it.

 

“So,  _ Aiden _ , tell me. How has the last few weeks been? Have you broken down?” The sudden question stunned him, memories coming back so fast that they momentarily made him forget where he was... that his alias is Aiden and that the month in which he was in was… It was…  _ his _ month.

 

“Ah, Toni, you know better than to concern yourself over such things, I’m totally fine! Anyways, didn’t you say Emma’s moving in soon? How are plans going?” Arthur quickly covered up his moment of distraction, praying to all gods that for once Antonio wouldn’t notice the tense tone of his voice or the poorly attempt at changing the topic… Thankfully, he did take the bait, but not completely giving in as his friend invited him over for dinner that same day, fully knowing that if anything, Arthur was actually not okay and Antonio was not going to just ‘let it be.’

 

After the phone call ended, Arthur leaned back once again, eyes scanning the street as cars drove by, Toronto was a great city, big but not overwhelmingly so and not so hot as other places could be… And most importantly, void of any reminders of either his past memories with his family or  _ him... _ Stretching, the blond went back to work, fingers flying across the keyboard once more and eyes trained on the word vomit his brain was coming up with to finish his proposal. 

 

After all in this country, in this city he is Aiden and  _ Aiden _ is a  successful editor at one of Toronto’s top publishing companies.  _ Aiden _ didn’t suffer from emotional breakdowns,  _ he _ is not weak, and he did  _ not _ force his friends to abandon their old lives to follow him to a new country because he is a mess of a person. 

 

Aiden was everything Arthur wasn’t and therefor he couldn’t have a breakdown in the middle of a summer day in the city while working on a new proposal, because honestly that would be the most assholish moves he could ever do to Aiden.

  
  


After a long conversation with one of his co-workers, two more iced drinks, and a very long text reminding him of what exactly would happen if he missed his  _ ‘date’ _ , Arthur finished up the email and finally, finally send out the proposal before closing his laptop and quickly dialed for a taxi, already 10 minutes late to his date with Antonio. 

 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

“Aiden, you came! Please, come and sit here, I will be with you in a second,” the dark haired man greeted him, softly giving him a pat in the back and a warm smile that reminded Arthur of how grateful he was to have a part of home with him. After settling in the semi private table he had been guided to, Arthur let the familiar smells of Antonio’s restaurant surround him and relax him, his stomach grumbling as it remembered Arthur had skipped both breakfast and lunch. A few minutes of sitting alone, Antonio came back, a server behind him with what Arthur could only describe as the thing that will save him from both a scolding and passing out in the middle of talking with his best friend. 

 

“It’s been forever since we’ve seen each other, hasn’t it?” Antonio started after a few minutes of silent eating and enjoying each other's presence. Arthur nodded, making quick eye contact with the other and offering a small smile back as he noticed Antonio's hands over-exaggerating the amount of time they have actually not seen each other (it’s only been a couple of weeks), but it didn’t matter to Arthur, after all, that’s how Antonio was and still is and he wouldn’t want it any other way. 

 

They began small, honest and pointless talk, from complaining about ridiculous proposal deadlines and new scripts to look over to new recruits and how the city is a pain with registration of businesses. Soccer game matches, new design ideas (Arthur’s secret true passion), and of course Emma, Antonio’s fiancée. 

They had been high school sweethearts and after Antonio moved away, they had continued to have their relationship long distance. After a few years and finally seeing Antonio settling in Canada, she had made the decision to finally move in with the Spaniard. 

 

Although he had been reassured many times that Arthur is not at fault for them having to separate in the first plays, the blond could not help but feel guilty for making both his best friend and his fiancee move countries, just for his selfish stupid self. Of course, he stopped letting them know how sorry he was because that just guaranteed him a pep talk from both Antonio and Emma, something he could always live without.

 

“So, tell me, my dear friend, has everything been alright with you lately?” The question popped up, catching Arthur by mid surprise yet again, because he really didn’t expect to be talking about it so soon. Putting his fork down and casting his eyes down to his own hands, the blond aimlessly intertwined his fingers as he thought of his answer….  Softly chewing on his bottom lip for a while until he finally looked up to nod slowly at the brunet. 

 

Antonio stared at him for a long time, analysing whether what Arthur had said was the ultimate truth or just a cover up for something else…. After a few minutes, the brunet gave him a pointed look, clearly not satisfied with the answer given to him. Arthur cursed under his breath, of course Antonio knew, he was no idiot, but the blond had rather feign that he was fine rather than admitting that he indeed still remembered why this particular months and week would be hard on him.

 

They stayed quiet for a moment, Arthur still playing with his fingers before clearing his throat softly, his eyes down casted and overshadow with memories that rushed back in as he allowed himself to remember why this month was important to his past self… 

 

“There… is no need for you to worry about me, I’m strong and I’m an adult, I can get through this... I do appreciate the concern though,” Arthur said, finally breaking the silence and looking up at Antonio in defeat, but what he also hoped look like resignation. 

 

“Of course I’ll be looking after you, if I don’t than who will?? You?” Antonio said, laughing sarcastically at him before continuing, “don’t make me laugh Arthur, you forget to eat three meals a day in exchange for a distraction! You’re a mess, just like back in University, a big mess with horrible bed hair and no stamina whatsoever.” The Spaniard brutally teased, his smile growing big as he saw the spark of annoyance behind the green eyes of the blond. This was why Arthur was grateful for having someone like Antonio in his life… Someone had to brutally tell him the truth sometimes, you know…  He needed this, the casual teasing, the raw truth and the invitations to a glass of wine (that always turned into the bottle, not just the glass) and a place to crash with someone there who could stop him from overthinking every aspect of his life.

 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

It was around midnight when Arthur stepped out into Antonio’s balcony. His right hand holding what was left of the wine in his cup, the other one leaning against the railing, eyes scanning over the city skyline, taking in the beauty of a city in its night form. Artificial lights illuminating the streets and the silhouettes of unmoving buildings decorating the atmosphere around them. The radio they had tuned into the moment they got there softly kept playing in the background, moving from the new pop songs to old 2000s ones, the ones Antonio could wholeheartedly sing to and caused Arthur a familiar ache, that after a long time, stopped being painful and instead turned melancholic. 

 

The song playing at that moment caught his attention, his lips softly forming a smile as he hummed the melody, memories of happier times with  _ him _ flooding back, promises left unkept and future plans forgotten. Tears started to fill his eyes, yet not a single drop dared to free itself from their cage, and so like this… Arthur softly sang and remembered… and he let it happen, because he was a little buzzed and the night was beautifully cool and calm. 

 

_ “Do you miss me?” _

 

He softly asked the night sky, his eyes straining to catch glimpse of the stars as if they had the answer to a question not directed at them, his face gently being cooled down by the gentle breeze coming from the lake nearby. Times like this, he wondered if he was being too selfish, asking this kind of questions to someone who simply just couldn’t answer them anymore, but he also couldn’t bring himself to care, because if he knew something is that he, in fact, actually really missed the guy who had managed to make his life in his old hometown somewhat bearable, even if it had been for a couple of months. 

 

Quickly, he finished his wine in one gulp, closing his eyes as the liquid made its way down his throat before moving from the balcony to the sliding door, ready to go inside and have a well deserved sleep, but not before looking back at the sky and smiling widely before waving goodbye.

 

_ “Wherever you are… I hope you’re happy too.” _

**Author's Note:**

> EXTRA NOTES: 
> 
> \- Arthur really wanted to study fashion design, but his father wouldn't ever let him  
> \- Arthur's dad is a REAL dick(tm)  
> \- Antonio used to protect Arthur from his father's wrath (aka Arthur's dad is a dick (tm) )  
> \- Alfred met Arthur at Uni along with Antonio  
> \- Alfred promised Arthur to runaway with him after his father got to be too much for him to handle  
> \- Alfred died in a car accident a few months before they were set to move to Canada  
> \- Antonio decided to move with Arthur regardless of anyone's opinion because he knew how much that accident fucked him up 
> 
> \- This aint even that angsty lmao
> 
> thanks for reading!!!


End file.
